Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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