She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
