I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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