I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
