my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
