its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
