My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
