whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
too bad you live with your parents still
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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