I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
