He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize