My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
