I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
