I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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