He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
