Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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