dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
