Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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