My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The struggles of a small town man whore
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
