Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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