a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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