I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
