The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
