Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
