the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
