***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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