Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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