Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
