but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
