it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize