I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
