Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
