I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
