Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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