I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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