I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
