my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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