I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
