before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
