i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
