woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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