i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
