You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
