Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
