Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
