Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
