i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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