Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
