Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just high enough for therapy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
