i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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