I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize