She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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