i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
