Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
