Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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