turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
