don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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