so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
