whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
