your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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