bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
