My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I see more hoeing in ur future
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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