I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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