Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
