somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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