can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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