I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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