why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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